Thursday, May 27, 2010


You guys are hurting my feelings.

Lunzie did it.

Yes, I know. I'm hilarious.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Katiefucious Meme

I actually love memes. They are the easiest blogs I've ever written in my life.

But really, who writes these things? Twelve-year olds? If you were a crayon, what color would you be? What's your favorite food? Comeon, nobody cares what my favorite food is. I don't even care what my favorite food is, because I'm trying to lose weight and I'll NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT IT AGAIN.

So I decided to write a meme about the stuff I care to know about other people. I'm not going to ask you what your favorite this or that is (except for #2), because I don't have a favorite anything (Aliens). I have like ten favorite everythings... Well, OK I'll ask you for a few favorites, but just because I want to know. But I won't ask you for very many.

Anywho, the meme. Here it is. Enjoy.

The Katiefucious Meme

1. What is your favorite color?

Just kidding!

1. What is your blood type, and how often do you donate blood? If you don't donate blood, why the hell not? Are you afraid of needles, you wuss?

2. What is your favorite Alien movie? (AVP movies don't count)

3. Speaking of AVP, did you notice the Bishop reference Henriksen makes in the beginning? It's awesome! Ten bucks if you can tell me what it is.

4. Name five reasons why AVP: Requiem was a Godawful piece of crap. Please place them in alphabetical order.

5. Write your favorite bread recipe here.

6. Ok, so you're driving in the left hand lane on a 4-lane highway. The right hand lane is empty, and you notice someone coming up quickly behind you. What do you do? (warning: your answer to this question will determine whether or not we can be friends in the future)

7. Write your multiplication tables on a sheet of notebook paper as fast as you can. How fast can you do it? (If you had to use a calculator, hit yourself in the head with a hammer)

8. Name your five favorite Jet Li movies.

9. What are your favorite parts of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in chronological order?

10. Give your initial impressions of Plotinus' interpretation of the soul. Use 12 point font. Double space.

11. Is Milla Jovovich a good actress or do we make excuses for her because she's really pretty?

12. "Pride and Prejudice" with Kiera Knightley: best movie ever made? (if you are male, your answer will be stricken from the record)

13. The first three Indiana Jones movies were so good. Please list, in order of significance, the ways in which Spielberg and Lucas screwed up Crystal Skull.

14. George A Romero, Lucio Fulci, or Dario Argento?

15. Ten bucks if you can name Dario Argento's daughter, and three movies she has been in.

16. Cubs or Sox?

17. Why do people wear leggings?

18. Do you recycle? If you don't, why the hell not? Are you too lazy? I oughta tie you up and leave you at the top of a landfill, you jerk! Then I bet you'd recycle!

19. What kinds of bedding plants do you like to use?

20. Did you cry at the end of Jedi, when Luke's, I mean Darth Vader died? (don't wanna spoil it for the three of you who haven't seen it yet)

21. Would you like my banana bread recipe?

22. What is your favorite Star Trek movie?

23. What was your English term paper about during your senior year of high school?

24. What is your favorite episode of Firefly?

25. List, in order of significance, the reasons why the Kill Bill movies were awesome.

26. Why do people get so upset when you can't think of something to get them for Christmas and you get them a gift card?

27. Why does a bottle of 28 Amoxicillin tablets cost $80?

28. Have you ever tried Haggis, and if so, what did you think of it?

29. What is your favorite episode of MST3K?

30. How do you like to prepare your asparagus?

31. Do you hassle vegetarians?

32. If you could have anything for free for the rest of your life, what would it be?

33. New Dr Who or old Dr Who?

34. List your 5 favorite Ron Perlman movies, in alphabetical order.

35. If the Baby Jesus came back today, and the world ended, do you think you'd go to heaven, or to "h" "e" double hockey sticks?

36. Can anyone explain to me what the hell happened at the end of the Matrix trilogy?

37. Describe your favorite Wil Wheaton vehicle, be it acting, writing, or general geekery.

38. World of Warcraft: Consummate Evil or Gaming Genius?

39. Why are little brothers so annoying?

40. Eragon: brilliant original piece, or total ripoff of Anne McCaffrey?

Er...I'm running low on ideas. Let me know if you do it so I can read your answers.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Pet Peeves

Pet Peeve #197: Waiting to turn left at an intersection. Someone pulls up next to you in a giant SUV, waiting to turn right. You can't see past them to determine if traffic is coming. You'll have to wait until they move so that you can see. Only by that time, another idiot in a giant SUV is more than happy to take their place. Will you ever be able to turn left? Probably not. You'll die in your car and be eaten by wolves.

Handy old-school diagram:

I think the thing that's so annoying about this situation is that if you're in an equally giant SUV, they can't see past you either. They sit there moving back and forth trying to see past you, or through your windows. I want to hold up a sign that says "YOU ARE A MORON." Or this "YOU CAN'T SEE PAST ME BECAUSE YOU PULLED UP TOO FAR, IDIOT"

My new word for people who can't drive: psycho. They are obviously mentally imbalanced if they have problems deciding when their turn is at a 4-way stop.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Roundabout Training

I love roundabouts. I think they should be everywhere. But I also think that roundabout training courses should be mandatory for anyone who doesn't immediately know what to do when they approach one. Especially when there are INSTRUCTIONAL SIGNS ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE.

For your viewing pleasure, here are my own personal rules for going through the roundabout in town:

1. You don't have to stop before you go through the roundabout. Hell, you don't even have to slow down if there are no other cars around! Think of a roundabout like an optional stop sign. If there is no-one coming, YOU DON'T HAVE TO STOP.

2. DON'T STOP IN THE ROUNDABOUT. MARY MOTHER OF EFFING GOD, I SWEAR I AM GOING TO REAR END SOMEONE ON PURPOSE ONE OF THESE DAYS. If you are IN the roundabout, and someone is approaching, DON'T FREAKIN' STOP. When you're already in the roundabout, you have the right of way. Also, don't go five miles an hour in the roundabout. GET IN, GET OUT, GET ON WITH IT. We're in cars for a reason. I want to get from point A to point B in a reasonable time frame. LIKE BEFORE I DIE OF OLD AGE.

3. Read the signs. They are posted on EVERY CORNER, IN BIG BLACK AND WHITE LETTERS, WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN YOU ARE IN EACH LANE. Don't use the outside turn lanes to go straight. Don't use the inside lanes to turn right. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE, PEOPLE.

4. Don't just barrel into the roundabout without looking to see if there's someone coming. Common sense, right? Apparently not. And if you do accidentally pop out in front of me with that "OOPS OH MY GOD" look on your face, don't slam on your brakes because you're about to crap your pants. TIGHTEN YOUR SPHINCTER, PUT YOUR FOOT ON THE GAS PEDAL, AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.


If you don't know how to use a roundabout by now, then there's no hope for you. Maybe you should look into a special school, put a chain on your glasses, and apply for social security.

That is all.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Bad/Good Dream

I had a dream about Sumo the other night. He ran out into the road and got hit by a car. He was so big that he sustained no damage, but the car was a mess.

The dream was really weird. Always in my dreams I am looking for something, searching for something. This one was no different--I was looking for a private bathroom stall.

Not so farfetched, considering that during this past week, I've been sick, and as a result, have been downing massive quantities of water. This, in turn, means I have also been going pee every half hour. It's no wonder I'm having dreams about the bathroom!

Ah, so nice to see my Sumo again, even if it is just in a dream.